Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I came so hard my ears popped.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
