I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize