I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize