At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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