If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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