Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
