I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
