either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
