You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
