i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
