I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
