This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize