Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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