Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
