He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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