Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize