Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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