Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
