FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
