We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
