My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
