I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
