...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
