this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think people are normalizing furries
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize