By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
