i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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