You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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