I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize