he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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