Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
