Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize