some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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