Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
