Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize