"it" just moved
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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