You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
