Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
