White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
