There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
