Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
