I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
