she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
