Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
