if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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