How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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