I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
