why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
