My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
