Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
