Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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