I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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