So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
