so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
