chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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