just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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