Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize