Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
