sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
