Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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