Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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