Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
