ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
