If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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