i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Everything about him screamed your future.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
