Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
