Your face is a jimmy john
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
honey bunches of taint.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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