Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
