i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
