Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
