Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
