It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
