Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize