Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
