big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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