If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
do herpes really smell.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
