going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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