I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
