Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
