I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Princesses don't give blow jobs
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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