im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize