I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
