It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
