11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
