Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
