I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
