There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize