There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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