come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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