It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
