And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
