I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
