I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
