can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
