I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
