I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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