Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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