Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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