Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
