dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize