He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
