margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
