think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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