we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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