I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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