Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
