HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize