girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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