you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This is classic penis vs brain.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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