I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
