You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
