One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
