We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
