I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
