I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
