just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
