also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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