i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We need a shit load of segways right now
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
